The Happiness Wisdom
The Happiness Myths
Happiness is only an abstraction, a far-fetched
thought that is often elusive and evasive; it is difficult not only to define
but also to understand. To further the complication, happiness often creates
certain misleading myths.
The myth:
the happiness sources
It is always a myth that abundant wealth,
good health, and satisfying relationships—what most people crave
and pursue in their lives—will bring them happiness. Abundant wealth, good
health, and satisfying relationships are only the byproducts of
happiness; they do not cause or bring true and lasting happiness in real life.
To illustrate, many lottery winners attest to
their experiences of temporary ecstatic happiness, and nearly all winners
confess that their winning has ultimately made them miserable and unhappy for
various reasons. Maybe once the initial stimulus of sudden wealth and the
drastic changes of lifestyle have worn off, they ultimately return to their
original baseline level of happiness or unhappiness. Or, maybe, according to
some experts, having too much pleasure—what is known as “eustress”—could also
cause stress, just as lacking in pleasure might be stressful to the many
have-nots.
The myth: the happiness effort
It is also a myth that happiness is something
that can be pursued with willpower and effort. The Bible rightly says that
pursuing happiness is just “like chasing the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 2:11)
Effort does not necessarily bring happiness; it
only creates the illusion of an environment that is conducive to
temporary happiness. To illustrate, one may work diligently in one’s career to
excel and to get to the top of the profession only to find that one has a
terminal illness, or has incurred a debilitating accident. For example, Steve Job, the co-founder of Apple
computers, had his life cut short by pancreatic cancer at the height of his
successful business career.
Pursuing happiness may be only a fantasy fueled
by temporary moments of happiness, because aging, illnesses, misfortunes, and
ultimately death plague all alike; in other words, impermanence cuts
short all human efforts and endeavors to bring happiness. We are all aware of
the fact that impermanence is an ultimate leveler of everybody and everything,
but many of us still choose to delude ourselves into thinking otherwise. Denial
only fosters the myth that if there is a will there must be a way to attaining
happiness, and that all it requires is the human effort to make any dream come
true.
The
Attributes of True Happiness
Advertising, consumerism, and the media have all
mesmerized us into believing that happiness is one of the basic human rights
that we are all entitled to. The truth of the matter is that true happiness is,
surprisingly, simple and effortless,
because it comes from within, and not from without; it is part of self, and is
natural to human life and existence. It is all in the mind—that is, how we think.
If that is the case,
then why is that some people are happy while others are unhappy?
There is so much truth in what Leo Tolstoy, the famous Russian author,
said in very beginning of his celebrated novel Anna Karenina: “Happy
families are alike, and unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.” So,
those who are happy and those who are unhappy must have shared some common
attributes or characteristics that predispose them to happiness or unhappiness.
The
unhappy people
The unhappy people may have the following common
characteristics:
Identity crisis
They do not know who they really are. That is, they may have
falsely identified themselves with something in the world they are living in,
such as “I am a successful businessman” or “I am a good mother.”
Once they have created for themselves their
false identities, they naturally feel the need to protect and preserve their
self-created images. In doing so, they desperately want to control and protect their destinies, such as
avoiding what they fear might taint their preserved identities, or repeating
what they previously did in order to sustain and substantiate their identities.
As an example, a “successful businessman” might
want to overwork in order to avoid in future all possible failures in his or
her business, or to repeat in future all his or her past successful business
endeavors.
As another example, a “good mother” might strive
to control the behaviors of her children in order to control and shape them
into the individuals she wants them to become to prove that she is indeed a
"good mother."
In the process of protecting and sustaining that
identity, stress is not only unduly created but also aggravated by all outcomes
falling short of their expectations. Nowadays, many people are living just to
escape their yesterday’s pains and to anticipate their tomorrow’s pleasures;
unfortunately, they are on the road to more unhappiness, and not less.
The bottom line: you are who you are, and not who you would like to become.
Not letting go
The unhappy people simply refuse to let go of
what they think belong permanently to
them; they anticipate what they think they rightly deserve
through their efforts to control or influence the outcomes of events in their
lives. They are afraid of any unforeseeable change, especially death that puts
an end to everything they have delusively created for themselves.
The happy
people
The happy people are usually wise because they
know not only how to live but also
how to survive in a world of
depression.
Knowing the ultimate truths
The truly happy people are those who understand
that the only permanent cure for unhappiness is enlightenment, which is
the profound human wisdom to know who they are, and what life is all about.
True happiness lies within the true self; it comes from knowing the ultimate
truths about everything in life.
Living a simple life
In addition, the happy people live a simple
life, which is the essence of living. They have little or no attachment because
they understand that everything is impermanent and subject to change and
demise. Therefore, craving for more may also imply getting more problems when things
do not last.
Remember,
you have to be always conscious of your thinking mind in order to better
understand your perceptions and then change them so that they may
become a glass half-full, and not a glass half-empty.
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
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