Getting Old

Getting Old

For most people, getting old sucks, and getting older sucks even more. But aging is a natural cycle of life.

Many people erroneously believe that to continue the journey to arrive at the destination is to have plenty of money (that is, in retirement) so that they can have a perpetual holiday of traveling, playing golf, shopping, or doing their favorite things. Unfortunately, all these will sooner or later taper off or come to an abrupt end due to the changes in circumstances, such as failing health, mental incapacity, or physical immobility. To continue to live well in the golden years means having the capability to cope with the inevitable changes and challenges is self-belief.

As you continue to age, it is easy to gradually lose your self-belief: that is, becoming the stereotype of being “old and decrepit.” But you have to start believing in yourself again: that you can still make waves, and that there is much you can still do with the rest of your life even with the little that you may now have or available to you. Self-belief also means you stop comparing yourself with others in terms of past achievement—or even comparing your current health conditions with those in your past. Any comparison will only lead to regret and “what-if” negative thinking. Self-belief means setting goals and doing your best with whatever you may still have or no matter what.

Setting goals and having expectations are not the same. According to the TAO (the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China more than 2,600 years ago), expectations often become the stumbling blocks to accomplishing your goals. Why? The explanation is that the greater the expectations, the more efforts you will exert, and the more stressed you become—ironically enough, that may lead to failure in achieving your goals. What the TAO would recommend is “doing what needs to be done” but no more and no less, and with “no expectation.”

“Life begets death; one is inseparable from the other.

One is form; the other is formless.

Each gives way to the other.

One third of people focus on life, ignoring death.

One third of people focus on death, ignoring life.

One third of people think of neither, just drifting along.

They all suffer in the end.

Trusting the Creator, we have no illusion about life and death.

Holding nothing back from life, we are ready for death,

just as a man ready for sleep after a good day’s work.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 50)

“Abiding in the Creator, we do not fear death.

Following the conditioned mind, we fear everything.

Fear is a futile attempt to control things and people.

Death is a natural destination of the Way.

Unnatural fear of death does more harm than good.

It is like trying to use intricate tools of a master craftsman:

we end up hurting ourselves.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 74)

But getting old is also the time of awakening and letting go.

The Awakening and the Letting Go

Letting go is the natural surrender of the human mind to any involuntary reactivity aimed at removing anything that might threaten or undermine the ego-self. Letting go should be a natural instinct, and not a technique that one has to learn and master; it is simply a spontaneous human ability to give up all human attachments that create the unreal ego-self.

According to the TAO, it is the letting go, and not the holding on, that makes us strong because it overcomes the fear of the unknown and the unpredictable. Let go of yesterday to live in today as if everything is a miracle; let go of the world to have the universe. That is the only path to awakening of the mind.

Lao Tzu believes that the entire universe with everything in it flows with a mysterious force that not only controls but also maintains the natural order of all things. That ultimate reality is nondescript and paradoxical; all humans can know is that it is not only within and outside them, but also everywhere and nowhere.

“The Way to the Creator existed

before the universe was created.

Its essence is formless and unchanging.

It is present wherever we turn,

providing compassion to all beings.

It comes from the Creator of the universe,

who has no name.

To identify him, call him the Creator.

He can also be called the Great Mystery,

from whom we come, in whom we live, and to whom we return.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 25)

Accordingly, Lao Tzu’s emphasis is on being, rather than on doing.

In a Nutshell

According to the TAO, this is how the human mind may have become distorted, delusional, and dysfunctional:

In the beginning, man did not know things existed, and so he had perfect knowledge.

Later, he found out things existed, but made no distinctions between them.

Then, he began to make some distinctions, but expressed no judgment about right and wrong.

Now, he makes his own judgments of right and wrong, and that leads to his own preferences of likes and dislikes, and thus creating his desires and expectations—the sources of his sufferings. In short, the human mind is like an unbridled horse: it makes judgments, making what does not exist, exist, and what does exist, does not exist. In the process, illusions and self-deceptions are created, and they become the attachments or substances of the ego-self.

The Wisdom of Letting Go

The TAO  of Living Longer

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau